Sunday, December 7, 2008

My Feelings

Okay.Matez,before I begin,i would like to say out a word of wisdom,my word of wisdom.Disappointments are inevitable.Alright.Come and join this roller-coaster ride.A short one perhaps.I shall begin then.Oh,before i begin again,i have mixed feelings today.Here we go.

Back to story mode first.When both of us were watching Madagascar 2,everything was fine.But then,after the movie had ended,we..how to say,we can't seem to communicate well with each other.After the movie,we can't seem to decide where to go for lunch.I was like "Are you hungry?What do you wanna eat??".She said, "Ya,i'm hungry,and anything will do.",then,i asked "What do you wanna eat?" again,she replied "No idea,anything will do."..I think i repeated that question like thrice.Then finally I took her to Sushi King,because she likes sushi.Then,while we were sitting at Sushi King,we again,did not manage to decide what food to eat..Sigh,I'll skip the food choosing part.But,while waiting for our sushi,she was so quiet!She did not talk to me..Only i kept trying to talk to her..Then finally i asked."Are you afraid of me?".She answered yes.I was devastated for a moment back then.I wondered why.Then,she said she is not used to it.I then told her not to be afraid of me.Nevermind.She then enjoyed her meal.Next,i brought my camera along.I asked her whether does she like to take pictures.She said not really but yes,if taken alone.Oh?Means i can take her picture,as there were no one else with us.Wrong.She did not allow me to do so.And by all means,i will always respect her.So,instead of taking her picture,i took pictures that are related to her but not her.I was quite disappointed for i did not manage to take a picture of her on this memorable day.Oh yeah,during that time,because i did not have any idea what to do after lunch,i kept asking her what to do..She,who was sitting beside me..did not answer me face to face,instead,she sms-ed me.Yes,she was sitting just beside me and she sms-ed me.She wrote "Since you asked me out,you must have some ideas...".Omg,after i received that sms,i was petrified.I did not know what to say.So,i apologized.I kept apologizing.I blabbered and stuttered.Sorry again.I will continue.So,after lunch,we went to Popular and MPH.Hmmm...i do not need to elaborate on this.She was busy analysing japanese dictionaries,so i did not disturb her.Oh,in MPH,when she was analysing the dictionaries,i stayed beside her.She called me to do my own stuffs,don't worry about her.Then,i said,"i would rather stick with you here than doing nothing,".However,she said "I'm afraid that is not going to happen".So,i walked away.Then..since she was so busy searching for a japanese dictionary,i thought it was best if i could lend a hand..But she said she can handle it herself,..So,it is okay.And then,we went to watch Bolt.This time,i was not like what i was when I was watching Madagascar 2 with her..Ignore this.After the movie,we just walked around aimlessly.I asked her where does she wanna go,she would only answer "I have no idea."Blank-minded me then took her to walk around Jusco,walk here and walk there.Nevermind. Now,the point that i am trying to tell all of you readers is that,i can't seem to communicate well with her.Each time I did,it will be short.I told her,usually when i go out with my female friends,they will go shopping here and there,but she is unique.She will not do so.Maybe that is why i can't seem to have any ideas of where to take her to.I kept apologizing to her for that.I said " Sorry,I have ruined your first date.I am so sorry.I have disappoint you."...Maybe not once,maybe twice or more.Okay,this is the first feeling,the feeling that i am disappointed.WAIT!Not disappointed with her,disappointed with myself for not being able to entertain her,to impress her.This feeling sucks.

Okay,i'm not going to go long for this.Okay,no matter how disappointed i was today,i still managed to be extremely happy.Because,of her presence.Yes.I was/am very glad,even now,I can't stop being thankful to God,for she came out to go on a date with me.I cherished every second with her.Unfortunately the first feeling collided with the happiness.This made me down and high(LOL) at the same time.Sigh.Sorry,i don't know how to continue.Hmmm,there is one thing i really like about her.She loves her family very much.She always think of her little sister.She enjoyed chatting about her 7 year old little sister with me.I would love to have a life time partner that prioritize family all the time.I digress,she can communicate well with her bother too.Very sweet.And finally,I said "I'm sorry..I hope you had a great day today..I hope you enjoyed yourself..",she answered "I had a great day,thanks for the date,".Stupid me went and said " I think you don't look like you enjoyed yourself ".She then answered "That is what you think,not me,"..These answers of hers exhilarate me.She is really sweet.I really hope that she had a great time.I really do..Then,we waited outside near the entrance,for her dad to come and fetch her home.Her mum was busy.While waiting,we did not converse with each other.She was eating her Green Tea Ice-Cream.I will not disturb her..Then..her father came..she,walking towards her car and away from me,said "Thanks for everything.Thank you for this date!"..I just said,"Welcome!See you!"...I was so so so happy that i managed to date her.I am the luckiest guy alive on 6th of December 2008.No.Wrong.After she had left,i was alone.Then,a few minutes later,i began to become sad.Mood swung.Very very sad.This feeling,the 3rd feeling,I missed her.I don't know what is wrong,but a very lonely feeling,i can feel it deep inside my heart.Maybe it is because she will be going to Kuala Lumpur to study.I won't get to see her already.Hmmmm,just now,after the date,i went to play football,i had so many chances to score,but did not score any.Guess i was still affected back then.No,even now,at 3.00 am,i am still being affected.Yes.I miss her.I seriously do.I regretted back then for not being able to entertain her,not being able to impress her.Okay,nevermind,nevermind...I will recover.This is the end.

Wait.These feelings mixed with each other did they not?Disappointed+Happy+Miss her.Err,actually i am not sure are there any other feelings.Nevermind.What is my true feeling??I will tell all of you.Do not worry.In my opinion,i guess,my feeling,is natural or neutral now.Yes.I will try to be only friends with her.I will always keep in touch with her.She deserves a better guy,not me.I cannot communicate well with her.Actually,i can if there is a second chance.Of course,i want to be with her.But,i will face the reality.It is okay.Do not be disappointed,my fellow readers.I have decided.But the real fate will be decided by Him.Oh,i have also decided not to find a girlfriend for now.I will not.I am not desperate.I am just world-weary.Maybe i will wait.For her perhaps?If i can be with her,why wanna stay as friends?We always want to progress.Perhaps only..I'm blabbering.My bad.I digress.So,here again,once more i thank you,for going out on a date with me.I cannot thank you enough.Thank you.I hope an ironic twist will happen.Thank you for reading.The curtain falls now.Oyasumi matez.Oh before i stop,sorry as i mentioned in the previous post that i will say what i think of the date in this post.One word.Magnificent.That is all.What i feel about her is more important.I feel NATURAL.(Maybe.I'm not sure.Is there such feeling?)Ok,Goodbye matez..Sorry.In the end i don't think you readers really understand what is my true feeling.I am uncertain too.I will try to have a natural feeling.(??) Ja ne.

PSPSPS :// After watching Bolt,we walked around and,i apologized to her,and said " Don't worry.I will improve myself on the next date.She answered,"If only there is a second date."...Hmmm,I think I heard she said 'Maybe".Hmmmm..Perhaps,I....

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